evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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