I want to make a zoo with you.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
