Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
