i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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