i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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