Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
