Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
No subtext here. People are naked.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
