It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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