dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
