please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
only if we run a train.
done.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
