ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
