Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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