$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Randomize
