1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
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