guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
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