will power is for people who don't want to get laid
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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