Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Why is there bacon in the couch?
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