You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Randomize
