Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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