We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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