all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
