every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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