my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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