I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
The best revenge is premature balding
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
