Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
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