I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
