Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
