...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
