Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
