i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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