We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
