I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Randomize
