If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
All the doctor said was why
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize