studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
