It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
