I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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