Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Randomize
