So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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