You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
