I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
