Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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