Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
be right there i have to get my cape
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
