Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
