ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
