bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Randomize
