The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
