can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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