i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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