but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I see more hoeing in ur future
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
