I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
