The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Randomize
