Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
bring money and cleavage
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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