okay pat passed out under dana's car
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
