none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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