3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
