Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
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