I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
