yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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