i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
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