So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
