I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
