i think my tv is drunk
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
