that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
