I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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