If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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