So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize