I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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