I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
My vagina is very pro this idea
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
