I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize