i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
