Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
