there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
