dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
