Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
