dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
