I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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