I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
