apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
