When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
even my farts smell like vagina
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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