he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
