Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Randomize
