these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
