wrigley field is MILF paradise
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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