Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
