There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
