Betty ford says i'm here all night
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
