One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
