dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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