i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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