can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
