oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Everyone says I win the strip club
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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