i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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