That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Randomize
